


Of Redemption and Heartbreak

by earthseed_fic



Series: Leviathan!Cas Fix-It [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthseed_fic/pseuds/earthseed_fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And then there was Dean. There was always Dean. Castiel suspected it would always be Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Redemption and Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> I never write fic anymore, much less SPN. But I found Leviathan!Cas unsatisfying and this wouldn't leave me alone. Set three months after 7.01, with Leviathan-free Cas.

**I.**  
Sam didn't need to look out the window to know what had his brother so captivated.

They'd brought the world back from the brink of disaster for the umpteenth time, but Dean saw no reason to celebrate.

His world revolved around just three things these days: drinking enough so that he was never quite sober, working on the Impala, and watching Castiel.

**II.**  
He'd woken up, again, whole and healed and forgiven, again, by an absent Father he couldn't quite stop believing in. Castiel didn't know why he was forgiven, couldn't imagine why he should be given another chance. He'd lost his way and wasn't sure if he would ever find his way back.

So he did the only thing that seemed right--he tried to redeem himself to the Winchesters.

He rebuilt the wall in Sam's mind. It wasn't a perfect job. His powers had been restored, but they weren't those of Death. Sam's hallucinations were gone, but the nightmares still lingered. He tried to his best to calm Sam's mind while he was asleep, but found he wasn't as welcome in Sam's dreams and as he had been in Dean's. Despite the nightmares, though, Sam was functioning, was no longer jumpy and paranoid. He seemed close to his old self.

Cas healed Bobby's sprains and bruises and brought peace offerings: a scroll of incantations from Alexander's library, charms from Egypt, a book of spells from Haiti. Bobby accepted them all with a gruff "thanks." He was no where near comfortable in Castiel's presence, but he never turned him away. Though none of them ever spoke the words, Castiel knew that Bobby's was as much his home as it was Sam and Dean's. Even now. After everything.

And then there was Dean. There was always Dean. Castiel suspected it would always be Dean.

But Dean wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't stay in the same room with him, wouldn't even look at him.

It had been three months since that early morning in the lab and Dean had spoken exactly two words to him: "Fuck off."

Castiel couldn't even bring himself to care how sad it was that an angel of the lord had come to cherish those two words.

Redemption was a long way off.

**III.**  
Sam realized that Castiel must have been sitting outside all day. There had been rain earlier and the angel's normally unruly hair was wet and plastered to his head. Sam wondered how long Dean stood at the kitchen window watching Castiel get soaked.

"Why don't you come in and get dry, Cas?"

"He's waiting for me to fall."

Sam sighed and sat on the ground next to Castiel. Only then did he notice the dozen or so unopened boxes scattered at the angel's feet. Where did an angel with no money and no knowledge of cars get a bunch of parts for a '67 Impala? "He's trying not to hope."

"I don't know how to fix this."

"He's not broken. Just give him some time."

"How much time did it take for him to forgive you?"

"It's not the same, Cas."

"Why? Because he loves you?"

Sam choked out a humorless laugh. This had always been Dean's job, explaining hard human truths. He doubted either of them could remember the last time Dean did something for Sam out of affection rather than obligation. "It's complicated."

"You can't possibly doubt your brother's love for you," Castiel said. His gaze was intense and steady.

Sam did his best to match it. "I'll stop if you will."

Castiel looked away then and they sat in a silence for a long while. Finally Castiel, speaking so quietly Sam had to lean in, said, "The longer I am in this body, the more it becomes mine, the more I feel things as a human might."

"I'm sorry, Cas. I know this has to be hard." What else could he say?

"'Heartbreak' is a surprisingly accurate term," he said. "My heart is breaking."

For brief moment, after the apocalypse and before the war in heaven, that would have been funny. Dean would have slapped Cas on the back and made some joke about the angel being a "real boy" and Sam would have wondered how two people could be so clueless. For a few brief moments, they had been whole. It was probably small comfort that Dean was somewhere drowning himself in whiskey and feeling the same way.


End file.
